The Legacy Series Podcast
On the Legacy Series podcast, we explore the world of funeral services with trailblazers in the industry. Through in-depth conversations and interviews, we gain insights into both the modern and traditional practices of this field. By studying the leadership, experiences, and effective strategies of our guests, we can inspire progress and innovation in funeral services. Let's learn from these game-changers to push the funeral profession forward.
The Legacy Series Podcast
Discovering Purpose and Compassionate Leadership: Ellie Tabor's Inspiring Journey in the Funeral Profession
What leads someone into the funeral profession? For Ellie Tabor, it all began with the profound loss of her grandmother when she was just 15 years old. This pivotal moment sparked Ellie's curiosity about death and dying, guiding her down an unexpected but fulfilling career path that included working at a pet crematory and attending mortuary school. Join us as Ellie recounts the serendipitous journey that led her to become the location manager at Brookside Funeral Home Champions in Houston, Texas. Her story is a testament to the unexpected ways our purposes can unfold.
What does it take to be a compassionate leader in the funeral industry? Ellie shares her insights on the essential qualities that make a good leader, emphasizing humility, emotional intelligence, and humor. She discusses the importance of fostering a supportive and enjoyable workplace where team members feel valued and open communication is encouraged. These qualities not only enhance the management of a funeral home but also ensure that grieving families receive the compassionate care they deserve during their most challenging times.
Balancing work, personal growth, and self-care is crucial in any demanding profession, and Ellie is no exception. She delves into her experiences as a young woman in a traditionally male-dominated field, navigating the challenges with assertiveness and confidence. Ellie also highlights the importance of continuing education through in-person seminars, retreats, and conventions, and the enriching impact these experiences have had on her professional journey. Tune in to discover Ellie's dedication to leaving a meaningful legacy in the funeral profession, driven by her passion and commitment to personal and professional growth.
Welcome back to the Legacy Series podcast brought to you by John Gildey, David Lugenbuehl and Mila Minotti, where we have conversations and interviews with game changers in the funeral profession about the funeral methods of today and yesterday. I'm your host, Mila Minotti, and joining us today is Ellie Tabor, location manager at Brookside Funeral Home Champions in Houston, Texas. Ellie Tabor, thank you so much for joining us. Good morning, Good morning, how are you doing?
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm doing fantastic. Mila, how are you doing?
Speaker 1:I can't complain. Another beautiful day, although we finally got to start our morning here with a little bit of sunshine, we've been having some record rain, which was actually much needed here in the South Florida area, so I'll take whatever we can get at this point. The summers have been starting off a little bit wild for us, so I appreciate it, ellie. I've been really doing a lot of research, trying to really understand who you are. Your what is it that brought you to the funeral profession? What gave you that passion? To be able to want to pursue this career causes me to reflect as well. I always like to say that I kind of fell into it a little bit.
Speaker 2:It wasn't anything I was expecting to be doing at this point in my life. I thought I saw myself as maybe like a teacher, or maybe even in the military, but that just isn't where I ended up. I think what contributed to me ending up in the funeral service profession was, in part, my grandmother, my maternal grandmother. Her name was Loretta. I was very, very close with her growing up. She was more of like a second mom to me. My parents worked very hard, going to school and working full time, so I spent a lot of time with her during the days and she ended up passing away when I was about 15. And we all know, as a young woman, 15 year old, being 15 is a very difficult time already emotionally, and on top of that, having my grandmother, who I was so close with, passed away it just kind of threw me for a loop. It was the first time I had anyone close to me pass away, so that, I feel like, is a big contributor, because it made me very curious about the death and dying process and what goes into that.
Speaker 2:Other than that, I kind of didn't give it any more attention until I started looking at colleges when I was about 18, 19.? Um, I'd always been a little bit of a slow bloomer when it came to school and careers, actually, um. So I spent a lot of time researching what would be best for me. I tried being a teacher, I tried going into the military. None of that worked out. I ended up taking up work at a pet crematory doing aquamation or alkaline hydrolysis, and that just spurred a huge passion for me because I ended up getting thrown into death care, at a rate I was not expecting at a pet crematory. But since we were the only aqu? Um aquamation or alkaline hydrolysis provider in Houston um for pets, um, we ended up going to a lot of different conventions and things like that with funeral directors um across the country.
Speaker 2:So, those two things combined, I ended up reading on death and dying, which we all know very well, um Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and? Um? Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. And it just hit me and I said I completely forgot people were funeral directors. I hadn't even thought of it, it hadn't even crossed my mind. And once I finished that book, I went to my mom and I thought she was going to have a heart attack because I stared her in the eyes and I said I want to go to mortuary school. I want to be a funeral director and she is very anti, you know anything morbid. And she just hit me and said, are you sure? So we ended up driving up to Commonwealth Institute of Funeral Service here in Houston the next day and I was two days away from the deadline for the next quarter and I went ahead, applied and got into mortuary school the next day and it's just been going, going, going since then. That was less than no, just about three years ago today that I graduated from mortuary school.
Speaker 1:You know what I love about that? I had a similar experience and I haven't heard that very often. I had plans in high school but they weren't really my plans. It was sort of more societies and kind of you know, following through with what you feel like you're supposed to do. And I made it all the way to the Coast Guard and I completed my MEPs and I thought, for sure, this is what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
Speaker 1:And last minute I was like, okay, no, no, no, no, this is not, this is not it at all. And I had a similar conversation with my parents where they just looked at me. They're like, first of all, you go to school for that, Like what, that's a real thing. And then just you know, I think with you, especially the kismet in that, and having two days left to be able to, I think with you, especially the kismet in that, and having two days left to be able to register, and how meaningful that is that it was, truly you know the path that was meant to be for you.
Speaker 1:Right Just getting kind of I feel like it was the best case scenario. It just sort of made sense, though, because I know you've discussed with the pet cremations and how that was something that you were able to help others and seeing the impact from that alone. But dealing with families and you know, even maybe after you had graduated, when was that aha moment where it really pulled at your heartstrings and you realized like this is it, this is definitely why I was doing it and all the hard work. What was that moment for you?
Speaker 2:Of course. So I actually remember the first moment so fondly, because I'm sure you had these moments too and I think every funeral director has at some point, and I think every funeral director has at some point. But I remember there were some nights where I was at the funeral home just beating myself up going what am I doing? Why am I here? You know what is going on. You know, I just felt like it was kind of like imposter syndrome a little bit Right, I was working on my provisional license and it was actually right after, I think, I got my official blue license from the state of Texas, I ended up taking out one of my first solo services to Houston National Cemetery, our VA cemetery out here, and I had worked with this family and you know, I really I felt like I hadn't hit it off with the family.
Speaker 2:I felt like I, you know, was just kind of doing my job at that point. I was trying really hard, but I just felt like we didn't connect the way I wanted to. And I remember I had just given the dismissal for everyone to go back to their vehicles so that the cemetery could come and take the husband to his final place of rest, and the wife just called me over. She was kind of beckoning me over and I leaned down and I was saying my goodbyes to her and I just put my hand out. She put her hand into mine and she squeezed so hard. She was this little lady. She was in a wheelchair. She squeezed my hand so hard and she just looked me straight in the eyes and she said thank you, the most sincere thank you I'd ever heard in my life for anything I'd ever done for anybody.
Speaker 2:And I actually I'm even tearing up a little bit thinking about it now, because it was such a special moment for me to know yeah, this is what I want to do, even if it's not this grand gesture. This family's not coming up to me, throwing themselves in my arms and going you changed our lives. You know, that's not what I need. The moment that made me realize that this is it, like I'm doing, what I need to be doing, is the moments where someone just says thank you or you made it a little bit easier on me. That's how I felt, and now I'm very thankful to say that I feel that way at minimum once a month, if not once a week. I'm feeling that way of yep, I'm doing the right thing and my families are happy, and that's literally the only thing I care about.
Speaker 1:And you know, I think that's that feeling you have to always chase, because every family, of course, will be different and sometimes you can give it your all and you know you won't have that same response, and that's just part of grief and how everyone is processing it all. But when that does happen, I can't agree anymore with you. It kind of reignites that feeling that you had of why you wanted to do this and the purpose of being able to help others. I love that, you know.
Speaker 1:So I'd mentioned before you have a very special role, aside from just being a funeral director and I mean I'm going to go through the list of all of your achievements thus far in your professional career but you're also a location manager. So over at Brookside Funeral Home in Houston, texas, this is the Champions location, correct? Yes, ma'am, that's correct. So that alone is a pretty big title. And when I say that I mean just the responsibility that it carries, because you are not only responsible for those that are working at that location and for yourself, of course, but being able to prioritize the responsibilities of making sure you know, operationally, things are being run to a certain level and degree. So I got to wonder and ask you, in your opinion, what makes a good leader?
Speaker 2:Oh, so I love this question. This is a really good one. So I have a couple of things I think, at least for me, are a requirement and I would love to see in all leaders really. But the first one is humility. I think it's really important to know and admit when you do not know an answer and not be above saying that. And I think it's really important to know and admit when you do not know an answer and not be above saying that. And I think it's really important to be willing to find the right answer together with your team, if you don't have it already. That's something.
Speaker 2:When I came in in January with my team here at Brookside Champions, I told them day one I'm not going to tell you something that I don't you know 100% know is correct and I'm not going to lie to you that I don't you know 100% know is correct. And I'm not going to lie to you and make you think that I have all the answers because I don't, especially being so green in our profession. You know. I told them just be open with me and I'll be open with you and we'll kind of go through that together. Another really important quality to me is compassion, not just for our families, because we know we have them for our families.
Speaker 2:I really, really think it's important for leaders to learn and cherish their team.
Speaker 2:You know our team doesn't have to be at our location getting their paycheck from us, right, so I think it's really important to let them know that we couldn't function the way we do currently without them being there. I'm huge when it comes to recognizing my team and letting them know how much I appreciate them in ways more than like a pizza party every once in a while. You know, to keep morale up, it's more of you know really taking the time to check in with them at least once a week and just say, hey, you know. To keep morale up, it's more of you know really taking the time to check in with them at least once a week and just say, hey, you know, is everything going okay? Some people like to say they don't like to be too personable when it comes to working relationships, but I'm the complete opposite. I want to make sure you can be 100% you when you come in, and I'm going to be 100% myself with my team as well. I also really think it's important to have, leading off of that, emotional intelligence. Yes, right, so when someone on my team messes up, I'm not going to waste time immediately with chastising or anything like that. I just try to brainstorm with them ways how to solve that problem and then later we can talk about how to avoid with them ways how to solve that problem and then later we can talk about how to avoid running into the steps that caused that problem initially For me.
Speaker 2:Growing up, I realized very quickly I do not respond well when someone comes to me and starts yelling at me saying why did you do this? You know what happened. So I again, I just never want to treat somebody how I don't want to be treated. So I really think it's important to you know, have some kind of positive lesson or outcome if possible when running into problems. I'll leave the going through the details and figuring out what caused it for after we solve the problem.
Speaker 2:And then, if you haven't noticed at this point, um, uh, the biggest one for me personally is humor. Um, I have to be around fun people in some capacity. Um, so, being open to having a great time with my coworkers, my colleagues, my team, um, I mean, we just spend so much time together and it is during some of the most intensely stressful times of any of our lives being in a funeral home and I just love having a leader and love being the leader that isn't hard to be around and have a good time with. Like mortuary meme accounts on Instagram and I'll print out some of the funniest ones I find and put them on a board in the office so we can just walk by and be like, oh, that's funny. So those are my traits that I think should be in every leader.
Speaker 1:There's a common denominator and a couple of the people that we've spoken to and had on our podcast, where a lot of them say exactly that like, have that space where you allow people to, essentially, you know, mess up or make those mistakes, but make it a safe place where they're not afraid to come to you and and say you know, oh no, this happened, you know, or I had a plan and it fell through, and that I say it every time.
Speaker 1:But it really is so important to have that kind of safe haven where you can go to work and still know that someone just raise your hand and say, oops, you know this didn't go right, and be able to know that the repercussions are not terrifying for you to be able to go ahead and approach, you know, in that situation and I think that kind of culture is really what is going to change if a lot more people were to be able to do that. That's really what changes that culture of just you know, where people are afraid of their bosses. You don't want that, that's not what you want for someone.
Speaker 2:No. And to me. I always tell my funeral director Hayden, she's wonderful, it's just me and her license at the location. And I tell her all the time I say, listen, the times I've messed up the worst are the lessons I learned the best in the hardest. Those are things I'm going to carry with me for the rest of my life and guess what? I'm never going to make that mistake again. So you know, it's really important to be able to, like you said, have a safe space to learn from that.
Speaker 1:And especially, I think too, is, like you're saying, beyond that, just making it fun. Making it fun at work, where people can be themselves, and a long time ago I had a co-worker who mentioned that to me once.
Speaker 1:He said where I spend more time with my co-workers than I do with my own family, if you really look at it and it's so true and why else, you know, make it difficult for anyone else to want to be there than to just accept them, embrace them and encourage them, especially because you are with them every day, and it certainly sounds like that's the culture that you're providing there for you and your team.
Speaker 1:So I commend you on that, because that's something that I think oftentimes people forget about and just become accustomed to their roles and the positions that they have and kind of going with the motion. So I applaud you for wanting to maintain an environment like that. Thank you. With that, though, I've got to ask, because you seem for sure to be incredibly upbeat, sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. You seem for sure to be incredibly upbeat, sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Who, would you say, has helped you get to where you are, as far as role models or just the support that you've had leading up to where you are today?
Speaker 2:So this is going to sound cheesy, but really almost every single person I've interacted with since day one of my life. I owe them something, but I really do want to recognize, of course, everyone's mom and dad plays a big role in how they help.
Speaker 2:But my father, he always gave me this need to, you know, do the best I can every single time. He had always worked in a very corporate environment, you know old school corporate, where he's like, oh, you know suit and tie and you know polishing his shoes before he goes off to work. And he instilled in me the dedication to work hard for what I want and to always put my all into it. And my mom gave me the humor aspect. She's the one who decorates her office, you know, for Christmas and every holiday that comes up, and she's the one who has fun with it. So I feel like I got a good mix of both of those qualities. But you know, I have to mention, as a funeral professional, I had done my apprenticeship.
Speaker 2:My first day walking into the funeral home was a week before my graduation. I did not work in a funeral home during going to school because I just I have a one-track mind and I knew it wasn't going to go well for me if I did that. So I met Errol DeMosselaire he's the location manager of Sedequs Coff out in Sugar Land here in the Houston area and he saw something in me. Somehow I was not dressed appropriately for a funeral home. And, uh, uh, I had I remember I had colored hair at the time, so I ended up, uh, spraying it with a fake dye to make it look brown. And, um, I was trying really, really hard to look, uh, you know, put together and like a funeral professional. And, uh, that's one of the first things I told him. I said I'm so sorry. You know, I don't know yet what the expectations are of me, but I promise, if you tell me, I will meet them. And he believed me, which is, you know, hard to get nowadays.
Speaker 2:And he also took me under his wing. He taught me everything I know about funeral service. He spent countless nights and mornings and afternoons teaching me the right way to do things, how to approach difficult situations and just how to be a professional, because that's something I really didn't have a lot of experience in. I'd worked at barbecue shops, pet crematories, coffee shops. I'd never worked in this professional setting before.
Speaker 2:So he really took a lot of time in making sure that I had all of the tools that I needed to be successful. But he also never, ever, ever missed an opportunity to put me on a pedestal or raise me up to the Houston market and to the company. If there was someone who is listening to him for longer than five minutes, he'd bring me up and he'd be like hey, you need to talk to Ellie, you need to meet her, just have a conversation. He took me around almost all of the locations immediately in the Houston area to introduce me to everybody and I think that's a big, big, big reason why I was able to be confident and be successful moving forward. It was really just the absolute best case scenario for coming into the funeral profession as someone so new and fresh out of mortuary school to have that guidance from him.
Speaker 1:It really is a tough position to be in. I started my apprenticeship I think I was just maybe six months left to go. But you brought back that memory for me because I remember going to an interview and I was like, all right, I need some heels to paint the picture here. It's about 2010. And the only heels that you can find at the time were like those chunky, super high heel, you know kind of shoes. And I remember wearing those with some dress pants and I'm like, all right, well, I have here's some black garments, I'll put this together. And I remember standing there in front of the manager at the time for my interview and you know she luckily, thank God, offered me the position for an apprenticeship. But I remember, as I was getting ready to leave, she said and you can wear flats if you need to. And thank God for that, because otherwise I don't even know. I mean, I'm sure I would have broken my neck eventually just trying to walk around in these. You know, I'm sure I would have broken my neck eventually just trying to walk around in these you know inappropriate shoes that just would not have been, you know, ideal for work.
Speaker 1:But I think sometimes those people that just take your hand, and it's so important to be gentle, I think, especially in your communication, because otherwise I think I would have felt incredibly embarrassed, right, but you just you don't always know. You know exactly, and they do teach this a little bit in school, but it's one of those things that until you're really in that environment, you don't quite get it Exactly. To be gentle in their delivery and kind of guide us through it, because I, much like I'm a first generation in this profession as well, so I didn't have that guidebook prepared for me. So I think that's definitely something that is important to carry on, especially in your role as well, being a leader and you know, you never know when you'll be able to have that same conversation with someone else, and knowing that you took the time to just be gentle and kind of guide them through it, I think that's so helpful.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And, looking past, you know what you're seeing in that initial meeting. Because I know for me one thing I was so horrified of I personally I have tattoos, I've I had colored hair. I think I had a nose piercing. At the time I think I was smart enough to take it out before the interview.
Speaker 2:But I, you know, I am so grateful that he didn't just take one look at me and say, nope, just not even going to deal with that, because I know it's really a common thought for a lot of I'm going to say, managers, owners not really at our company, but more so just the profession in whole kind of have that opinion. So I really want to see that change where we take the time to just guide our new professionals on what's the right way to do it, what's going to help you, instead of just immediately turning away. Because if he had done that I don't know where I would be, because I know I 100% was meant for this. So I'm just so thankful he took the. He took the time, like you said, thank God, to look past that and give me pointers.
Speaker 1:It's just, it's really, I think, at the end of the day, what makes a difference, like you're saying, to see the person, and not necessarily you know what is standing in front of you, but really understanding that person inside and the potential. But really understanding that person inside and the potential Absolutely Now. Ellie, you mentioned earlier that you like being able to face challenges, especially with your team and joining in a group, to be able to come to a conclusion or a solution. Would you be able to?
Speaker 2:give us an example perhaps of a challenge you faced in your career and how you were able to overcome it. Gosh, I can't think of a day where I haven't had a challenge. But you know, kind of generally the biggest thing I run into now is, you know, I'm very obviously younger, um, and a woman. So one thing I have to realize is I have to be really assertive, um, you know, more so than I thought not really with other professionals, because it's very common nowadays to see young women, um, doing what we do. But I do have to be really assertive when it comes to addressing an issue with a family. I was prepared for that. I have a wonderful manager now who prepared me for that. He said, you know, I personally had not seen anyone just yet of your age as a woman having to, you know, manage an entire location on your own like this. And I said, well, me either. So let's figure it out together. So I knew it was going to be something and just different.
Speaker 2:And when families run into something where maybe I have to go out and talk to them or address something for them, you kind of have to get past that initial shock they have of oh, we thought the funeral home manager was going to be, you know, an older gentleman, you know in a tuxedo or whatever their perception is. So that's been a big challenge for me. But just being assertive and not, you know, backing down is something that has really helped me, and it's not being aggressive. You don't have to be aggressive, you just kind of have to be able to say, yep, this is who I am, this is what I'm doing, and I'm confident in that. And, um, usually about two minutes into that conversation, people are like okay, I'm much more comfortable now, um, but you know, when it comes to running into anything, I'm trying to think of a good example here.
Speaker 2:Um, I feel like even something as small, as maybe you ordered an urn and that urn ends up being on back order and you didn't find out until the day you get the cremated remains or ashes back and the family is expecting to pick up the remains. What you do, to me personally, shouldn't be immediately call that family and stress them out. What you should do is come up with a solution or a semi-solution you can offer them before you call them and stress them out. That way you have something in hand to offer them. So that way it's not as big of a blow. Obviously that's a pretty light example, but it really works in most situations, if not all, and that's kind of the way I work, at least when it comes to trying to solve a problem is finding a solution that I can take to the family and address it that way.
Speaker 1:Well, that makes perfect sense. I mean, if you're in a building and it's on fire and all you do is just shout the building's on fire and you don't provide an exit strategy or, you know, indicate maybe someone should call 911. You know, I think that makes perfect sense, actually, because what good will it do to just have everyone running around and not be able to at least say here's the plan, here are your options?
Speaker 2:So I agree, too many situations I learned very quickly. That's one thing. I'm a quick learner. I'll give myself that I learned very quickly. If you just go to a family and say the urn's not going to arrive in time, they're probably going to look at you and say, okay, and that's my problem. No, that's my problem to figure out. And they're right, it is my problem to figure out. So I just realized it saves you a lot of heartache. You just, you know, bring that option first to the table.
Speaker 1:It makes total sense. So, with all this that you, you know, you've learned so far, how do you try to continue to grow and develop yourself within the profession and not just, you know, necessarily in a professional setting, but because we've discussed, you know, just communication styles, I think everything that you do to make yourself better will kind of trickle down into your work as well, whether it's a, you know, a personal goal or a professional goal. I feel like, at the end of the day, it's intertwined. So are there any things that you do currently, or that you at least try to do, to make sure that you are still learning, still growing and still developing?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, so one thing I'm not necessarily good at it yet. I'm hoping I can get better. That's my goal for this year. Is that that amazing thing everyone talks about? That's called work-life balance?
Speaker 2:I'm trying to get that one figured out, um, but I will tell you, I I tried to be really dedicated about, you know, me and my director. Every other weekend we rotate, right. You know, she gets three days off and then I have a long weekend and then vice versa the next week, um. So I, I try to be really dedicated, not only for my director, taking her time off so she can, you know, do what she needs to do to reset, recoup and then come back. You know, 100% I try to do that for myself as well, and I'm a big lead by example person. You know, if I'm never taking time off and I'm working myself to the bone, everyone's going to look at me and say, oh, that's what she expects and it's not. I don't expect that. I don't expect that from anybody. So I'm trying to be a lot better about that.
Speaker 2:Most recently, I've tried to kind of unplug better when I am not at the funeral home. I think that's something all directors could do a lot better. Instead of checking our phone every five seconds like, oh my gosh, did I miss an email or phone call? Um, I tried to just set up my automatic replies for my inbox. Hey, you know, my team's got it. If you need anything, ask them a question. Um and uh, I try to just read a book. You know, maybe go to lush, get a bath bomb, just you know, do something. That is 100 for me. Me right, because, as a director, we give 110%, if not more, of ourselves every single day. We show up to work and to other people, and it's an admirable thing for those of us in our profession, but we can't do that and never replenish our own need for self-love, self-care, just doing what we love on our off time. I'm a big video game person, so I'll go home, I'll turn on a video game, I'll just unplug, I'll go back to being a 25-year-old girl instead of. Hey, I'm manager of this funeral home when I'm at home, and it's nice. It's something I try to remind myself of Anytime I'm not in the office. Unplug, unwind, do something for me.
Speaker 2:One thing I've been doing professionally, though, and again trying to work on the work-life balance, but I cannot stay away from any type of like continuing education or, you know, committees for activities, things like that.
Speaker 2:I'm working with Texas Funeral Directors Association, with our Emerging Leaders University, and that is dedicated to providing, you know, less expensive or, you know, more accessible continuing education to like new students or new directors. Anyone can attend, but it's geared towards them and I'm learning every single time I go to one of those meetings or we have one of our seminars you know, towards the end of the year about it. We are getting these professionals who have such amazing backgrounds and walks of life, in hearing from them and what they do, not only for themselves in their off time, but what they do in their profession to be better every single day. It is just mind blowing the things you can take with you back to work and also back home with you. So those are things that I just find really helpful is just staying on top of my education, not being afraid to hear everybody out and just really unplugging when it becomes me time.
Speaker 1:Are you able to do so when you're on vacation, or do you ever have that guilt when you are away? You know, a planned time away from the office Does part of you have a little bit of that guilt that you aren't at work and sort of not able to help in the way that you normally would should you be present 1,000%. Yeah, I get that it's horrible.
Speaker 2:I just you know. I was just mentioning I was in Austin for the Texas Funeral Directors Association. I think I was up at 2 am sending an email and I was like what am I doing? What am I doing? And I had to realize someone mentioned this to me. I wish I could remember who it was.
Speaker 2:But they said when you're doing that, do you realize that you are telling your team you don't think that they can take care of it? And that stopped me in my tracks and I said well, what do you mean? I know my team can take care of it, I just don't want them overworked. And they said, no, no, no, they can take care of it. They got it. You know that, they got it, but you know you don't need to be following up behind them when you're, you know, out of the office or on vacation, unless they reach out to you. You know you you shouldn't be jumping in to take care of something that they probably already have covered. And it just really it changed my perception. So I try to be a lot better about that now and just saying, yeah, you know I may feel that guilt, I might check my phone 500 times every two hours. But you know, I really try to just remind myself that, hey, if something happens, they're going to call me and I'll just wait until that happens.
Speaker 1:I can totally relate to that. I remember a couple of years ago being in, I'm in Europe and still logging into CarePoint and for what I didn't know, like what, what am I going to do from here? But it was just. It was sort of that like sense of well, I need to know what's happening in case when I come back, that way I'm not catching up on so many things. But it truly is that what you just said. I mean, they've got it, it's okay. So that's why I asked if it's more of a sense of guilt, because for some people they'll see it as control and it's really not that at all.
Speaker 2:Sometimes for some people you just kind of feel guilty for not being there. You're like I'm so sorry that I'm not there 24 seven. You know, genuinely I feel that way and you know, but that's part of it. We just got to recognize we're all people and people need a break sometimes. So, even though I feel guilty and say, oh, I shouldn't get a break, you know I should just be there forever because I know that's how we think, as you know, funeral directors, it's just not going to help us out, it's really not.
Speaker 1:Let me ask you this, because you mentioned with continuing education. For anyone who's listening now, are there any websites that you'd like to recommend, or you know where do you go to be able to get those resources?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, you know I don't even look at like the big websites where you you know however much money it's like a flat rate and you get all the required continuing educations. Usually you find those on like your state commission sites. I don't even look at those anymore. I realized if you join like Facebook groups for like funeral directors in your area or for your state or even you know in general for the country, there are constant seminars, continuing educations, things going on that count towards your credits if you need them. I know not every single state has that, but at least in Texas. You know there are some phenomenal speakers and presenters that are just traveling around, maybe for an event or maybe for you know something. They're doing on their own. I just went to a women's only funeral director retreat last year in Phoenix, arizona, put together by Monica Torres.
Speaker 1:Oh I love her.
Speaker 2:You know right, she is so fun. She put together this amazing retreat that was in Tempe, Arizona. I had never been. I was like you know what? No, that's one of those moments where I said I'm going to do self-care, I'm going to make it happen. And I ended up going out and I realized just how valuable it was to have face-to-face discussions about what's going on in our profession, moving forward, what can you do for you? She made it all about self-care, how to do everything you can for yourself to have longevity in your career and your profession. But she also had some amazing.
Speaker 2:In that instance, women from our profession come out and give embalming, tricks and tips and also just different things to kind of take back with us to work, but also for ourselves, like we were just mentioning. And that's when it clicked for me. I don't have to take those online little, you know, click through, you finish the course. I'd much rather be in person. So that's why I'm so passionate about like the Emerging Leaders University in Texas, because that's what it's all about. It's like getting in front of each other, having that discussion like a classroom setting, and there are some amazing. I know that Texas does it. I know National Funeral Directors Association does it. Most states have really really good funeral director associations that may have a convention or a seminar. Sometimes they even have free ones where you can attend and get like one CEU. Even so, it's just about being on those websites for your local associations, being in social media for funeral directors, being in that space for funeral directors, because you'd be surprised the things you hear about and learn that you can be a part of.
Speaker 1:So you've mentioned, I think, a couple of times now, the emerging leaders, and this brings me to a very interesting bit that I've again in learning more about you. Location manager at Brookside Funeral Home in Houston, you are also someone who graduated with honors and distinction from the Commonwealth Institute of Funeral Service. My understanding was the first awarded of the Everett Ballard Junior Memorial Embalming Award, also from the Commonwealth Institute of Funeral Service. Member of the Texas Funeral Director Association. More importantly, a first-generation FD member-at-large for a new associate resource community set to launch pretty soon, coming this summer for Bridge.
Speaker 1:I'm sure I'm missing even more credits here, but, ellie, I mean this is, I think it's honestly, it's really, really impressive and it's more, it's beyond just having your name attached to something, because, especially after speaking to you now, because I can see this on paper, but after speaking to you, I can feel the passion, passion you know, coming from the way you speak and and it truly resonates with me. And so I mean, how do you even measure success at this? You know, when you're so involved in all of these different things, how do you measure success for yourself? Because on paper it certainly shows that you have it together. It looks like you definitely know the path that you want to take. So how do you measure success?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So for me it's actually a really simple answer and in that regard I think I'm being successful currently. But am I happy? Are you happy? You know, that to me is what is success, because honestly, I couldn't care less if I was still working at a coffee shop and if I was happy, yeah, then I'm being successful. My boyfriend he works overnight as a yard jockey for a trucking company. It's not the most out there thing in the world. But I asked him the other day he said am I being successful? I said are you happy? He said yes, and so I said then you're successful. All that matters is you're happy.
Speaker 2:Of course we need money to pay bills and we want to do things for ourselves with that money, but at the end of the day we all know that's not going to give us happiness, that's not going to make us feel good. It may make us feel good for a minute, but it's not going to solve all of our problems. So to me, I just try to ask myself intermittently, every once in a while am I happy? And right now I'm very, very happy. I love being on committees and being able to talk to as many people as possible. If you couldn't tell you know, just getting out there learning things about everybody, not just in our company but in our profession. I love our profession and I really want other people to love it too and not be scared of it. So I consider myself very happy.
Speaker 1:I consider myself very happy. Well, with that I definitely agree. You are certainly setting yourself up for really big things and I, you know I'm not sure if you know what that may be yet but I can tell that that you're really going to make a big difference at any level. That you decide that you, you know, choose to share your passion with, because it's honestly speaking to you. I feel it, I feel the positivity, I feel the just the energy of wanting to make this different.
Speaker 1:And sometimes people will also say, oh well, you know, when you're still new in the profession, and but I think that's what's so important is not becoming jaded, not letting that cloud dim that light that you have, because it does happen, I think, for a lot of people you do. You end up graduating and you have this sense of purpose and you know you're ready to take on the world, and then kind of things happen and, for whatever reason, some people just lose that, that power that they had, and I truly hope for you that you never do, because I really see big things in your future.
Speaker 2:Thank you, and right, that's my entire goal. I think I even mentioned that in the article for the ELE Spotlight. But I really want to focus on never losing my passion. It's okay if people think I'm out there. It's okay if people think I'm crazy, even for being excited over the smallest things in the world, but I think that's what makes everything kind of fun. It makes everything joyful. I never want to be jaded. I never want to be in a situation where I'm just going through the motion. I want to be excited about new. I never want to be in a situation where I'm just going through the motion. I want to be excited about new things and I want other people to be excited, to just be here, be around each other and have access to the things we have access to. So thank you, I really do appreciate that.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Now that draws me to my final question, and this is one of my favorite ones to ask, and I've got to say I'm a little biased. I think I'm most excited to ask you what legacy do you want to leave in the funeral profession when people think of?
Speaker 2:Ellie, I thought about this for a really long time. You know, what do I want people to know me for? And really, as long as people know me for, you know, leaving them with a good feeling, because we all know we're not necessarily going to remember the thing, every little thing that somebody says to us, right, but we always remember the way somebody made us feel I want almost everybody. I know it's impossible to have every single person, but I want almost every single person, if not everybody.
Speaker 2:Um, I come in contact with and have the great honor of working with, or for um to just be like, hey, you know what, she was kind of cool and she, you know, made us happy and, um, you know, she was easy to talk to, and that would 100% be the best legacy for me. If one day my epitaph says, oh, she was a totally awesome funeral director and location manager, hey, that's a great plus. But really I just want people to look back on their time with me as a friend, as a colleague, and say, hey, you know what I genuinely liked her. She was a good person, she was okay. That's all I care about. I think that would be the best legacy for me.
Speaker 1:I think you're certainly doing it right now on our podcast because, again, I feel that tremendously coming from you. So, honestly, nothing but the best for you in the future and I can't wait to see your journey in even the next, you know, five years. I can't even imagine how far that that's going to take you and wherever that takes you, because I do feel like Ellie Tabor will be a name that a lot of us are going to hear and know. So I thank you again, ellie. It has been an absolute honor to have you on our podcast. I know everyone who is listening is going to agree as well. So thank you so much for taking the time and sharing your thoughts and your dreams and certainly your lessons that you've learned along the way.
Speaker 2:Of course, mila. Thank you so much for thinking of me and having me here. This was such a pleasure to be a part of, so I really appreciate it. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. That will do it for us today. I'd like to thank our guest, ellie Tabor, for joining us. What an amazing time we've had here today. We'll see everyone next week. Be sure to subscribe to our channel on apple spotify and buzzsprout search legacy series. See you next time.